In praise of real ale

I gather, from things I read, that real ale has an “unfashionable” image. I like real ale, but I can’t say I had ever even considered whether or not it is fashionable. Can a drink be fashionable? The idea sounds a little ridiculous, but view the comments here and you’ll see what I mean…

What this issue illuminates is the way that people frequently care more about image than they do about actual intrinsic quality. They accept, without a moment’s thought, the Emperor’s New Clothes, and they say how great he looks. They pay to be in his presence.

There are certainly some distinctive lagers, mostly from Belgium and Germany, but many are the times in the UK you will see a man, “one of the boys”, a “regular”, propping up the bar, someone who seems to think alcohol and drinking are somehow cool, and the drink this man will more than likely choose is a lager. It hardly matters which one. In fact it really does hardly matter, because to all but the most sober person the majority of lagers marketed in the UK taste virtually identical.

A lager, from time to time, can be nice. Especially with a curry, when one specifically doesn’t want much flavour, or on a hot day. But lagers are generally less healthy than real ales, more inclined to make you drunk, less natural, less variable in taste, and the profit ratio is much higher in them as we are all ripped off to pay for their advertising rather than the product itself. Incidentally, lager advertising is some of the most witty and amusing on the television (or used to be), but rarely says anything about the actual product, so can (like much advertising, sadly) be considered in isolation, as completely separate from the product.

I have confidence that if I performed a taste test with the average lager drinker on four different lagers from UK pubs, they would be unable to differentiate between the four, let alone identify them. But were I to choose four different real ales, these might be vastly different, just as wines are. One could be hoppy, one like toffee, one malty and one with a hint of elderflower, perhaps (for this, try Badger beers). The clue is in the name: real. Do you really want to pay over the odds for carbonated fizzy drinks that advertise the fact you don’t take your beer seriously and have no discernment as a drinker, or would you like to explore the world of natural, interesting, healthy beers, each with their own character?

You would also be supporting Britain’s many microbreweries, were you to choose a real ale (especially from a free house), instead of giving more money to the bloated corporations which factory-produce the nondescript lagers with little artisanship and threaten to eliminate this tradition from the country.

In addition, how many times, in this nation blighted by binge drinkers, do you hear of “real ale louts” either? Never. This tells us something. Real ale drinkers are generally more discerning, responsible and mature.

If you just don’t like real ale that’s fine. But don’t be sold on the advertising of lager, don’t follow the herd, don’t care about image. As ever, think for yourself. Zig when others zag, try things you wouldn’t usually try - you might be pleasantly surprised.

A conversation between Chris and Norm

Inspired by the attacks on “The Four Horsemen” and using characters from WWGHA…

Chris: You know what I really don’t like about these atheists? They’re so arrogant!

Norm: Yeah, right.. Um, so, do you know that there’s a god?

Chris: Yes, of course. I speak to him every day.

Norm: Oh, okay… Does he listen to your prayers?

Chris: Yes, of course. God listens to the prayers of anyone who prays to him.

Norm: Does he sometimes reply?

Chris: Well, he doesn’t reply as such, but I know he listens to me.

Norm: Oh, okay. So do you know how the universe came about?

Chris: Yes, I do: God made it. It took him seven days - well, six to be precise.

Norm: Wow, how do you know all this?

Chris: Well it says it in the Bible of course, so it must be true.

Norm: Oh yes. I guess you also know when it was made?

Chris: Yes, I do actually. It was made approximately 6,000 years ago.

Norm: Wow, you seem to know a lot about the past - even really difficult stuff that the scientists are struggling over. Tell me, can you read the future too?

Chris: Yes, I can. I can tell you for example that Jesus is returning soon.

Norm: Wow. How do you know that??

Chris: Because he said so.

Norm: What, you heard him??

Chris: No, silly. It says in the Bible.

Norm: Oh yes, of course.

Chris: Yes, and I’ll tell you something else: Armageddon is coming soon too.

Norm: Oh no! And I guess you don’t mean the movie! How do y- Never mind…

Chris: Yes, so you’d better make sure your show’s in order.

Norm: Hm, I think I’ve heard about this one. The rich man and the eye of the needle, etc? I guess those televangelists are gonna have to give away all their money?

Chris: No, they’ll be okay - they’re special. They’re servants of god, you see.

Norm: Oh, okay. I guess you can be sure of that too. Is there certainly a heaven and a hell? Because they sound a bit man-made to me.

Chris: Nope, they certainly exist. I know that for a fact.

Norm: Oh, right. Tell me, what about morality? Do you know about that too? Because there are some real complicated ethical dilemmas in this day and age which some of the greatest minds in philosoph-

Chris: If I can just stop you there. I think you’ll find you need look no further than the Bible.

Norm: Oh right, yeah.. I think I’ve heard about some of the moral advice in there. But hey man, you know so much, but you don’t seem to have much real evidence. Are you sure about all this stuff?

Chris: Yes, absolutely sure.

Norm: Hey well I guess you’re right. Those arrogant atheists.

Gary Oldman

A couple of videos showing the versatility of actor Gary Oldman!

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A-ha: Angel in the Snow

This song is dedicated by me to my beautiful girlfriend Andrea…

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Nice quotation

“If little labour, little are our gains;
Man’s fortunes are according to his pains.”

Robert Herrick

In other words, we must work hard to feel fulfilled, and a reward that comes easily is not much of a reward at all. In other words - “no pain, no gain”.

U2: Sometimes You Can’t Make it on Your Own

U2 seem to have a level of excellence in songwriting that means nearly anyone can appreciate the quality of their music, enabling them to displace even the likes of McCartney at awards ceremonies and claim their rightful place at the top. A great justice it is, then, when a song like this wins two Grammy awards…

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If everybody behaved with integrity…

Have you ever wondered what kind of day you might have if everybody you encountered treated you with the kind of basic courtesy and respect which is so rare in cities nowadays? I’m probably violating copyright terms by letting you know, but credit goes to Dominic Arkwright and the BBC for this excellent sketch which appeared on Radio 4’s Broadcasting House a few years ago. Enjoy it.

Eurythmics: The Miracle of Love

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Puff the Magic Dragon

What a considerable relief to all concerned: the song of the Puff the Magic Dragon programme that I remember fondly from my childhood was not about smoking pot. And Captain Pugwash wasn’t about what was claimed either. My personal favourites however were always Rupert and particularly Mr Benn, who used to secretly time travel.

These highly imaginative, intelligent and non-violent children’s programmes were so much better than much of the rubbish put on the TV now.

The lost art of chivalry

Let us start with a fine painting from the pre-raphaelite period. This is real art (not a toilet or an unmade bed, which any of us can make - or rather not make) and it’ll remind us of the grace of the subject at hand…

I have to confess I generally dislike the Radio 4 programme Woman’s Hour. It’s not because one suspects that in this politically correct age a similar programme would never be allowed for men without a media uproar, but because it often seems schizophrenic in its implication, one minute, that women are identical to men, and the next minute having on a romantic drama or an article about childbirth. It seems to largely conspire in the modern feminist agenda of belittling the traditional feminine qualities of women and suffers from having on a disproportionate amount of, shall we say, less feminine types and suggesting they are both desirable and the norm. I also grow a little tied of Jenni Murray’s “[Sigh]… men..” tone of voice, which always seems uncalled for.

Anyway, today on here there was an interesting article about the lost art of chivalry. The journalist Will Hodgkinson has noticed that it is lacking in society and is calling for its return. He lightly implied it might be as a result of feminism, but added this had opened the way for men to be lazy, rude etc - so bringing the blame back to men. I guess this was the only way he could get the issue on the air.

I greatly lament the lack of chivalry in society these days too, but I lay the blame for its absence more firmly at the door of feminism. Frankly, any gentlemen left in society do not know whether to give up their seat for a woman or not any more. They are as likely to meet with a paranoid “Do I look like I need it?” as a “Thank you”. Any other attempt as niceness or politeness, especially with a stranger, is likely to result in them being regarded as a “creep” or “after something” - as was mentioned in the article.

A feminist on the programme (apart from Murray), Sarah Salih - whose picture incidentally I would have been interested to see - seemed to be implying that women are the same as men (again) and Mr Hodgkinson went along with this. It must be difficult on the air, but he could have said that actually women are not the same as men - it’s not a case of straight identity. They tend to feel the cold more than men, dress in fewer clothes on nights out, be less physically strong - among many other differences which we can all be grateful for and celebrate. Why should it be politically incorrect to point these things out? It’s for reasons such as these that its nice for a man to show particular concern and chilvary towards women. Any normal woman actually desires this and knows it is not condescending - and it certainly not meant in that way - it is rather caring and complimentary.

So many women are in a mixed-up state, and they only have this small minorty of strange ones, who are given disproportionate media time, to blame. On the one hand they want to be identical to men. On the other they secretly yearn for a true gentleman to sweep them off their feet, respect them, love them and care for them. I am proud to do this for my lovely girlfriend, whose intellect and character are outstanding, but who has not sold out on her femininity in the least.

Credit to Will Hodgkinson for pointing out the lack of chivalry these days. Women, please embrace your femininity and allow us to treat you like ladies and restore this quality to society once again. Men, be ready.