Advertising lie

Here’s another silly advert on tube cards in London currently. This one is for Dating Direct. How sites like these are managing to continue given the likes of Facebook, where people can actually exchange views and get to know each other with no emphasis on dating, is a mystery. This one says “Find love or your money back” and then “What a pity they won’t get their money back”. I’ll tell you why they won’t get their money back: they’re a couple of models hired for a photo shoot, that’s why. A little like product endorsement, this implication that models are real people is always silly and patronising!

Gordon’s gin associates itself with vulgarity

Is anybody else sick of seeing this foul-mouthed individual staring down from posters all over London?

One can only hope the message of the adverts is supposed to be ironic - especially the one saying “Perfection” - but either way I will never buy Gordon’s gin again and I urge you not to either.

We don’t ask to see crude and ignorant advertising lies when we are simply trying to walk down the street: they are imposed upon us. The least we can do is fight back with prose and boycotts. The most is to move to the countryside, which is what I will at some point do.

Kleenex rides the wave of inconsideration

The latest advertising campaign by Kleenex tissues on tube trains across London, incredibly, features the strapline “Blow it loud and blow it proud”.
I won’t be buying Kleenex again.

How to fight back against brainless advertising

You know all those annoying banner ads all over your web browser? And those ones all over MSN Messenger? Did you ask to see them? I didn’t think so. Every time we go out and use public transport, even walk down the street, we are patronised by someone else’s usually impoverished idea of wit as they lie to us and try to manipulate us into buying whatever it is they have to sell. While all the time everybody knows that a really good product sells itself, and the best means of advertising is word of mouth.

They even get us in our home - but we can stop them there. TV stations are yet to broadcast a signal notifying your TV to mute itself and turn to a black screen while the vacuous adverts are on (which would be great), but fortunately there is little on the TV worth watching anyway, so our primary concern is stop these stupid adverts coming at us on the web. There are some excellent means to achieve this end:

1. Ensure you are using Firefox web browser, the fastest and best.
2. Install the Adblock Plus extension. You can right click on offending iframes and adverts to blank them, and if you subscribe to a service (free!) it even automatically blocks all known ads.
3. Get the Mess Patch for your version of MSN Messenger, which enables you to totally configure the application and completely removes all advertising from it.

These measures will enable you to enjoy the peace of mind of ad-free surfing without idiots trying to make you buy things. Happy surfing!

Advertising Lies

Sitting in the cinema waiting to watch The Bourne Ultimatum this evening (action-packed thriller - if highly contrived - starring the likable Matt Damon) I was again subjected to an onslaught of ludicrous advertising, the claims of which made the subsequent film seem relatively realistic.

First there was British Airways showing lots of smiling happy people on the ground then arbitrarily linking this to themselves, saying “upgrade to British Airways”. There was no perceivable connection between two.

This was nothing, however, compared with the next treat: this was Christian brainwashing organisation The Alpha Course, who had the ignorant cheek to devalue our lives by portraying human beings as products on conveyor belts, then asking “Is there more to life than this?”. The answer to the question is 1) “More than likely no, nothing at all more” and 2) - as Richard Dawkins has said - “How much more do you want?!“. Christians are so unbelievably greedy. The world is a wonderful, fascinating place and they should be happy with one life. It is disgraceful that they devalue it and always want more. They should concentrate on understanding this life by closing their bibles, permanently, and opening some science books well before concerning themselves with any other lives. There is enough here to occupy them forever, if they would only care to open their eyes. Also they should stop preying on the weak and the vulnerable.

Indeed the only decent advert before the film began was one for the Disability Agenda, which showed a troubling portrayal of the way many disabled people are bullied by those around them. So let’s be clear about that issue as well: in the case of someone bullying somebody less fortunate than themselves, I think we all know who the disabled one really is - very seriously disabled at that.

The glass is more than half full

Every day advertising and the media generally bombard us with messages telling us we need things we don’t need and insinuating we are inadequate if we don’t have these things. Women have it a lot worse than men: they are continually told, for example, that only young is beautiful and that they must try to hide the signs of aging instead of just growing old gracefully and shamelessly. It’s easy to let these stupid messages and bad values get you down - you might start feeling others are more fortunate than you, you might start wanting more, feel relatively impoverished and start to suffer from status anxiety.

To remedy this problem, this assault on your happiness, begin by rejecting the vacuous claims of most advertising and all of the associated products and services. Next, remember that you are extremely lucky to even be in a position to read these words rather than swatting flies from your face and wondering where the next bowl of rice will come from, if it comes at all. Consider the fact you are lucky to be able to see and think, consider all the negative things that have not happened to you, how you live in a relative democracy and proportionately, how very lucky you are.

Next consider that the fact that those who have more than you, are certainly not as a consequence necessarily happier (as I have written before). And finally consider that the opportunity is always open to you to make the best of the remains of your day.

The glass for you if you are reading these words is more than half full, and don’t let them tell you otherwise.

Advertising lie

Watching the highly entertaining Die Hard 4.0 last night exposed me to some pre-film advertising from Vodafone, among others, who were saying:

“Vodafone - the Internet is now mobile.”

Although Vodafone imply here (with - at best - delusions of grandeur) that they represent the whole of the Internet, I’ve been using MSN Messenger, Internet Explorer, Flash Player and e-mail on my (Orange network) phone for several years now. There can be only two possible explanations:

1. Vodafone have no idea about the state of technology and what their competition are doing.
2. This is a stupid facile advert.

Which do you think it might be..?

Advertising lie

Here’s a good one from some company whose name and product I didn’t even notice on a tube advert today:

“Long term commitment. Well that’s stopped all the men in the carriage reading immediately.”

It’s the second sentence that stopped me reading immediately. Only this week a colleague of mine explained she had left her boyfriend because he wanted to settle down and have children.

You might think this the kind of cheap shot which should just be brushed aside - and we do just brush them aside - but do you ever wonder whether the reverse would be acceptable:

“Engineering/spacial skills/football. Well that’s stopped all the women reading immediately.”

It’s pretty offensive, isn’t it..?

Advertising lie

I don’t often post advertising lies simply because I try to avoid all advertising, but even I sometimes need to see it. Spotted on Oxford Street this morning:

Now, you tell me… what exactly does this lady have to do with tuna?

Advertising lie

Here’s an interesting one - Microsoft responsible for an advertising lie. The lie here is to exploit people’s fears and insecurities in order to try to sell something, and suggest that having the latest version of Office would have made things different, yet not provide any concrete examples to support this claim.

Although this advert masquerades as humourous, I always hate to see this tactic from advertisers - the one of playing on people’s insecurities. It is an underhand and devious one and Microsoft should be ashamed of themselves. They should instead have simply listed the useful and significant improvements in Office 2007 for people to see, if indeed there are any.

Advertising Lie

I happen to be very keen on Indian food, and I’ll recommend to you a truly excellent curry restaurant, called Mirch Masala, in Tooting. The food here is of a different level to anywhere else I’ve been.

I have something to say, though, about Cobra, which has been marketed as a less gassy lager to complement curry. The trouble is, this seems to be entirely false. Cobra seems to me the same as all the other lagers (and that’s the problem with lager generally: brands are almost indistinguishable).

“Team Saatchi” were responsible for the advertising, and here as far as I can tell they are trying to sell on a USP (that’s Unique Selling Proposition in advertising speak) which is frankly non-existent, or at best imperceptible. In my book that’s a lie. Cobra is okay, but it’s the same as all the other lagers.

A lager is fine from time to time, and does go well with a curry. If you want one you might as well choose any of them, but if you are serious about lagers you will look to some of the Belgian and German brands, which have distinction. And if you are serious about beer really, you’ll look to our own home-grown real ales with their wonderful variety of flavours and ingredients.