Football

Interest in football is so common among men in England that you might even feel slightly embarrassed to admit you have no interest in the game, as you might feel slightly embarrassed to admit your atheism to a vicar. But there is no reason to be ashamed of either. Football fans have a lot in common with religious people, and to a significant degree interest in football is a meme much like religion.

Why is it that men become so obsessed with football, when it is only a game? It is for a variety of reasons. It is an outlet for their aggressive and competitive tendencies. It allows them to belong to a particular group. It also gives them a focus for their life which is alternative to a possibly boring job (when what they should in fact be doing is trying to change their job).

I like to watch the football when the World Cup is on, as long I’m not surrounded by bellowing louts, but certainly a disproportionate amount of importance is now attached to what is essentially only a game (even dapper Chelsea coach José Mourinho has said as much).

One particularly interesting thing is how people choose which football team to support. The choice of which team to support is similar to the choice of which religion to follow. It is usually not a decision based on reason, but is based on pressure from others, or is just arbitrary. If it were based on reason and compassion, the worst teams would be the most supported.

Supporters feel so close to their chosen clubs though, that you will even often hear them speak as if they are actually in the team itself. They will say, for example, “We played well yesterday”, which sounds both odd and more than a little pitiful. It is football exhibiting its role as a “diversion”, the same as celebrity worship. The happiness of these people and their feeling of achievement is almost entirely contingent on the activities and lives of other people, who do not care about them and are furthermore are only playing a game. This is an even worse state of affairs than we find with those unfortunate people whose happiness depends on the activities of make-believe soap characters.

On a wider point, sport does not really bring people closer together, encourage “team spirit” etc. These are really falsehoods spouted by politicians (who are not even sporting themselves) in order to win votes. In fact, most sports pit people against other people over a matter of very little importance (except that a ludicrous amount of money might rest on the outcome) - something we should not admire. Better activities are those in which people really do unite - against nature perhaps - and not against each other, and on issues of some actual importance.

Also, most sporting injuries should not be financed by the National Health Service, since they are essentially self-inflicted (especially those incurred playing the violent game of rugby). Obviously boxing injuries should never be financed by the NHS, appalling activity that it is.

If you are obsessed with football as if it is a religion, you might like to try freeing yourself from caring so much about men running around kicking a ball as children do, and try focusing more on your own life and achievements. Try also reading the front of that newspaper before the back. Unless it is a tabloid, you might find the issues discussed there far more worthy of your attention.